By: Lenora Billings-Harris

There are barriers, booby traps and blocked roadways on our journey toward achieving cultural competence among educators and students in schools. What do you say to the White teacher who always wants to touch your locks or braids? How do you tell your principal to stop giving you a high-five every time he agrees with something you say? The biggest barrier to giving feedback in these type situations is the fear most people have when it comes to speaking up in a respectful way to encourage others to stop insensitive or inappropriate behavior. One of the major reasons people do not speak up more often when they experience an inappropriate behavior is because they do not know how to speak up respectfully when they have to interact with the offender on a regular basis. If the offender is your principal speaking up may seem too dangerous. If the offender is a fellow educator in your department, well it is easier just to be silent. Or is it? That silence perpetuates inappropriate behavior.

Each of us, if we really choose to turn the tide of racism, sexism, homophobia and other “isms” must be unwilling to be a part of the silent majority on these issues. A major component of individual cultural competence development is the ability to execute courageous conversations. The following is a four-step process for giving feedback that is easy to understand but takes practice to implement successfully. This technique can be used by adults and young people. Once you have mastered it, try teaching it to your students and watch how they will take control of their own diversity challenges more often than not. The process is called S.T.O.P.™

S—State the inappropriate behavior objectively and unemotionally.

When beginning this feedback, describe the specific behavior you want the offender to stop doing or saying. Your words need to be stated in a nonjudgmental, objective, unemotional way. Too often when we do speak up regarding inappropriate behavior we are emotional, we show our anger and we start with feelings and blame. This often causes the offender to become defensive or to go into denial mood. In order to maintain your objectivity and to assure the offender clearly understands what you are referring to, simply state what he or she has done. Be sure it is a behavior, not an attitude or opinion. This technique will not give you the ability to change others attitudes and beliefs. So don’t try this with political debates, sexist attitudes, etc. Instead describe a behavior. You should be able to see it, hear it or measure it.  For example, When you called me a Yankee…

T—Tell the offender how you feel when she or he performs this inappropriate behavior.

It is important that you state your feelings not your opinion. Opinions are judgments in disguise, so the offender may shut down the moment you judge their behavior.  Ask yourself, does it make you angry? Hurt? Excluded? Offended? Most people have a tough time identifying exactly what they are feeling, so practice feeling words by writing down as many as you can think of. Then practice… I felt excluded from our team.  This is not the time to explain why you feel as you do. Own your feelings and don’t blame the offender for how you feel. The goal here is to get the offender to stop the behavior.

O—Options, options, options.

Provide alternative behavioral suggestions. Frequently, when we tell others to stop doing something, we don’t tell them what we would prefer instead. For example, I would appreciate it if you would just not use the term Yankee. If you must refer to my birthplace, just say I am from New Jersey.

P—Positive results.

Share with the offender what would be in it for her or him if he or she chooses to change behavior. Each of us behaves based on “what’s in it for me.” It is important that you answer this question. Change does not occur, unless there is a reason. If the individual cannot see a good reason to change behavior, the inappropriate behavior usually continues. When using this technique, do not threaten the person with company policy. (That may be needed later, if they do not stop the bad behavior.)  Rather, describe positive, interpersonal relationship results should he or she choose to change his or her behavior. Ask if she is ‘willing to work with you on this.’ Get her commitment.

Several years ago, after having taught this technique many times, I was faced with a personal situation where I had to walk my talk. A very close friend had the habit of using the term faggot often. Whenever he was referring to someone he did not like or someone who showed effeminate behavior, he would use this label. I find the term very offensive so I realized I needed to use the S.T.O.P.™ technique. Just like most people, initially I was hesitant. This individual was, and today still is, a very dear friend. I did not want to offend him or create any situation that would interfere with our friendship. He and his girlfriend were among six of us that often socialized together; my husband and I, he and his girlfriend, and another couple. Let’s call him Walter. While the six of us were enjoying a sunny and hot weekend afternoon in Phoenix at a pool party, Walter used the word. I had informed my husband earlier that if Walter used that term again, I would need to speak with him. I did not want my husband to be surprised nor caught off guard should things not go well. I waited for Walter to be in a situation where he and I could talk privately. Eventually, when he entered the kitchen to help himself to refreshments, I followed him. This technique only takes about 45 seconds. It is not intended that the offender respond at that time. What is important is that you get your points across quickly, non-judgmentally, and clearly. Here’s what happened.

“Walter, when you use the word ‘faggot’ [step one—S] I am offended and very uncomfortable in your presence [step two—T]. I would prefer that, if you must use a descriptor of this kind, you use words that are more appropriate, such as homosexual, gay, lesbian, etc. Actually, I would prefer that you not use a term at all unless you know, for a fact, that the individual happens to be GBLT and that piece of information is pertinent to the story you are sharing with us at the time [step three—O]. If you are willing to change your behavior in this way, at least in my presence, you certainly will be more welcome in our home [step four—P]. This invisible barrier that has come up between us will dissipate, and you, then, can tell your wonderful stories without any concern of offending me or anyone else in the group.”

Walter responded by not responding at all. He had a stunned look on his face. He walked away, went back outside, and dove into the backyard pool. I thought, “Oh well. No change here.” However, I was wrong.

Shortly thereafter when he and his girlfriend and the other couple went out to dinner, he shared this experience with them. It was not complimentary to me. Apparently, however, no one took his side even though I had not shared with anyone what I had done. Although they didn’t criticize him, they didn’t support the labels that he was, at least momentarily, putting on me. I learned of this interaction from one of the four other individuals.

The next several times that Walter and I were in each other’s company, I noticed that he did not use that term. I made it a point to let him know that I noticed his changed behavior and how  much I appreciated it. I did this in private. Several months later, when chatting with one of the other members of this party of friends, I was told that Walter no longer used the term in their presence either. A few years later, I was talking to another member of this group about diversity training in general. This member works for an organization that has many diversity initiatives in place and I’m always interested in learning what they are doing. Her husband works with Walter. She told me, and I later confirmed it with her husband, that indeed, Walter no longer used this term at work.

The point is this. The feedback took approximately 45 seconds. My objective was to get Walter to stop using that word, at least in my presence. I exceeded my objective and change occurred. I cannot guarantee that every time you use this process you will have similar results. However, you will never know the impact you, as one individual, can have on another individual unless you try.

Making a Difference

The best way to utilize this technique is to initially use it in a non-threatening environment. Use the S.T.O.P. ™ technique when giving feedback to a child regarding any type of inappropriate behavior. Once you have gotten comfortable with the process, then attempt it with others.

Plan what you will say ahead of time. Writing it out might be helpful so that you can focus your thoughts, stay objective, and identify options.

Be sure you’re in a private place when you walk through these steps. If the offender does become defensive or goes into denial, simply repeat the process calmly. Your last statement in the process should be… Are you willing to work with me on this?

Be sure to recognize and show appreciation for changed behavior as quickly as possible, so that the offender knows this was, and is, important to you and that you appreciate her efforts. TOC

http://www.lenoraspeaks.com/.

Related links:

The Diversity Advantage: Enhancing Inclusion in the Classroom
Incorporating Cultural Diversity in the Classroom

BY LENORA BILLINGS-HARRIS

The wise veteran educator and administrator searches for differences and similarities among educators and then chooses to guide and learn as a mentor. The most effective mentors realize their way is not the only way as they consider time, and circumstances. Do you have a mentor? Regardless of where you are in your teaching career, are you a mentor? As educators we often realize our role with students is that of a mentor, but sometimes we forget to mentor and be mentored by colleagues in order to help with our own growth. The award-winning research team of Buttner, Lowe, and Billings-Harris (Bryan School of Business and Economics, University of North Carolina – Greensboro)* found that one of the key reasons schools of higher education lose professors of color is due to the lack of mentoring relationships. This finding can easily be applied to K-12 public and private schools. Everyone wants to fit-in and having a mentor is one way of confirming the fit.

So what is mentoring? There are many definitions for mentoring, coaching and sponsoring as a leadership development tactic. For the sake of this conversation I am using the following definitions:

MENTORING- a developmental sharing, caring, and helping relationship where an experienced educator (mentor) invests time with an emerging educator (mentee or protégé) in order to enhance the growth, knowledge and skills of the emerging teacher. The mentor provides guidance and enlightened advice regarding the unwritten rules of success. Mentors are usually, but not required to be, employees of the organization. Many people also have mentors within the teaching profession who are not employees within their school. The use of the term ‘experienced educator’ in this case does

not imply that mentoring only happens with senior level educators and administrators. It occurs at all levels. A mentor relationship might last years, or, if it is part of a formal program, it may last six months to a year.

COACHING- a coach is one who teaches, directs, and encourages another, usually with the focus on exploring an opportunity or alleviating a problem. Today, many professionals utilize the services of outside coaches in order to help them improve their skills through better understanding of their own strengths and areas needing development. The length of this type of relationship is usually time specific, especially if it was formed to address a problem.

SPONSORING- sponsors are individuals who create or support opportunities of advancement and growth for emerging educators. The emerging educator may not know she has a sponsor. These are often people who observe from a distance and open doors of opportunity

just at the right time.

Diversity related mentor programs can be informal or formal. There are advantages to both. A formal process helps avoid overlooking an emerging educator’s need or interest in having a mentor. It makes it easier to administer mentoring training on a scheduled basis. It is easier to measure the results of the pairing.

And its training can address special issues such as the challenges of cross-gender and cross-ethnicity mentoring. Informal mentoring avoids the problem of mismatched pairs. It often lasts longer, but it is sometimes harder to measure the results.

There are many excellent models for mentoring programs. Try these steps to get your program off to a good start:

• Develop a process that works best for your environment
• Combine formal and informal mentoring
• Clarify expectations of mentees and mentors
• Hold leaders accountable for the results
• Measure success

If you are an emerging educator seek out one or more mentors. Remember that mentoring is an outgrowth of good relationships, so develop the relationship first. It will grow into a mentoring relationship if it is a good match. Do not ask someone you might admire but is a near stranger, “Will you be my mentor?” You may laugh, but I have been asked that exact question many times. The people asking simply did not know what real mentoring is. Be very sensitive to your mentor’s time and reputation. Do not expect them to grant you any favors or open any doors until you have proven you deserve it.

As a mentor, look for individuals different from you as well as those who may be of the same gender and ethnicity. You will be enhanced by the mentoring experience if you allow yourself to be stretched. Paying it forward can be a very rewarding experience. If you are willing to give, not just “give back” our institutions of learning and the profession of teaching will advance.

As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see.”

Robert, Faheem, Tracee, Kewal, ShaShanda, Hernando, and Sarah are students in today’s typical classroom. Their parents range in age from 23 to 59 years old; two are adopted, two are being raised by their grandparents; two live with one parent; one has gay parents; one has physical limitations; and one student is also a parent. There are four languages and six faiths represented by this group. This is diversity in the classroom.

The word diversity simply means differences or variety. As used when referring to the American society, diversity refers to the many differences among people present in our communities today. Diversity includes all of the ways people are different, not only differences in ethnicity, age, gender, and ability so often thought of as part of EEOC (Equal Employ­ment Opportunity Commission) regulations.

As a teacher passionate about your subject area and eager to create an effective learning environment, how do you celebrate the uniqueness of the students in your classroom and create a learning environment that is inclusive and non-judgmental?  The first step in the process is to honestly get in touch with your own possible stereotypes and biases about difference.

Often people of color think they do not need to do their own diversity work. After all, ‘we have lived diversity,’ why do we need to do any self examination?  Being a member of an underrepresented group does not guarantee immunity to biases and stereotypical beliefs about others.  A stereotype is a generalized statement applied to every­one in the group, as though the entire group is the same. Any belief or characteristic, applied to an entire group, immediately makes it invalid because no characteristics are owned by everyone in the group.

Stereotypical beliefs do come from some degree of truth, however. There is probably someone in the group who fits the stereotype. The challenge is to acknowledge people as in­dividuals without generalizing that individual’s behaviors or characteristics. For example, one stereotype about African Americans is “Black people have rhythm.” It is true that many African Americans are rhythmic. However, all African Americans do not have rhythm, and many people of other cultures do. In the movie, White Men Can’t Jump, the title poked fun at the stereotype about European American men as though none of them could play basketball. Viewers of this movie have the opportunity to see that European Americans, otherwise known as white men, can jump.

There is no such thing as a “good” stereotype. All stereo­typical beliefs lead to inaccurate assumptions about individ­uals, whether the belief is a positive one or not. In the United States, there is a widely held belief that Asian children are smart, especially in mathematics and science. It is true that many Asian American children test well in these subjects. However, they were not born smarter than other people. Their ability, as it relates to these two subjects, is a result of their environment. All Asian Americans are not highly intel­ligent in these areas, although many have grown up in a home environment that strongly supports education. If non-Asians were placed in a similar environment, they too could score well in math and science.

Here is an example of how even a “good” stereotype can be damaging. Imagine you are observing a third-grade class. The class is composed of European American children except for three. One male child is a Latino. Another male child is an African American, and the third child of difference is a Japanese American female.

The teacher is someone you are delighted to have in your school system. He is the type of individual that goes out of his way to help his students excel. He truly loves each child, spends his own money for additional resources, stays after school, and comes in early to be available to assist students in any way he can. In other words, his intentions are good. However, he is not aware of his own stereotypes. Therefore, he is not aware of how those stereotypes impact his behavior.

It’s early in the year, thus he does not yet know his students in­dividually very well. As he plans his lesson, the teacher be­gins to determine which students he may need to spend addi­tional time with in order that they too can perform well. He’s going to teach long division. Which students do you think he will most likely conclude need additional assistance?

The next day he goes into class, teaches long division, and then distributes math problems to each student. He im­mediately walks over to the African American little boy. Now remember, his intentions are good. He wants to help. Is it possible the African American male is doing well? Of course, yes, it is possible. Is it likely that this student will, in some way, let the teacher know that he does not need help? That behavior is most unlikely. The teacher then walks over to the Latino student. Is it possible he too needs no as­sistance? It is unlikely that he will tell the teacher he does not need help.

The teacher never walks over to the Japanese American little girl; even though another stereotype in the United States is girls do not perform well in math and science. In this case the ethnic stereotype is stronger than the gender stereotype. Is it possible that the Japanese American little girl does need help? Of course, the answer is yes. Is it likely she will ask for help? Most likely, no. Even at eight years old, in the third grade, she probably knows from messages around her, in comic strips, from adults, and from classmates, that she is sup­posed to be a good math student. Additionally, she may have learned from her culture never to ask a person in authority a question in public. This would imply that the person in au­thority was not clear, and could cause the authority figure to possibly “lose face.”

Which students has the teacher’s behavior impacted? I hope you would agree that all of the students in the class have been neg­atively impacted. Certainly there would be some European American children who do need help. The teacher neglected them, while the African American and the Latino received unnecessary attention, which could have sent the wrong mes­sage to the other students.

As the children go to the playground, the teacher’s be­havior could now impact their behavior toward each other. Some students might assume that the Latino and the African American are teacher’s pets and start a fight with them. Other students might assume that the Latino and African American must be slow learners because they get so much attention and start a fight with them.

If the students continue to see the same or similar messages acted out, that teacher’s behavior could impact their behavior later in life, when working with people who are ethnically different than they are.

It is impossible to eliminate stereotypes entirely. The best we can do is become more aware of our own stereotypes. This way we can become more aware of how our stereotypes impact our behavior. Becoming aware of stereotypes in­cludes listening to that inner voice that quotes generalized statements, and then choosing not to act on those stereotypi­cal beliefs. It takes a conscious effort to ignore them.

As a former high school teacher, I often remember the note I received from a former student. Her name was Bonnie. I was not as patient with her, as I could have been. Luckily, she never detected that attitude from me. Perhaps because other teachers were more obvious with their impatience.   On my last day of teaching at that school, (I was moving to another state due to my impending marriage) I received a handwritten note from Bonnie and a little crystal candy dish, as a wedding present. In her note, she thanked me for encouraging her to do her best. She shared that no one else had ever believed in her. That was thirty two years ago. I still have the candy dish. I wish I still had the note.

As a teacher, you are so powerful in the eyes of your students. Be careful to honor their differences instead of judging them. You just might change a life.

Sidebar:

Going Beyond Difference in a Diverse Classroom

Suggestions for self-development:

•    Watch a television program or a movie, with a friend, with the specific intention of identifying all of the stereotypical behaviors and statements you observe. Discuss which biases and stereotypes you both observed and which ones you have believed and accepted for a long time.

• Ask someone you trust, perhaps another teacher, to alert you anytime you make a stereotypical comment. It is only with this feedback that you can become more aware of how often you may rely on your own stereotypes.
• When you recognize that you are having a conflict with a student or teacher, identify the many ways that person may be different than you. Perhaps their communication style is different. Values are different. Or perhaps there are visible differences such as gender, ethnicity, or socio-economic factors. Set an objective to evaluate the specific interaction between yourself and that person. In other words, evaluate the facts instead of relying on stereotypes. Then determine objective ways to overcome your possible biases.

Achieving Cultural Diversity

Incorporating Cultural Diversity in the Classroom

Job Search on Teachers of Color