Managing the Parent-Teacher Relationship

by Emma S. McDonald, M.Ed.

There is one thing every teacher dreads more than changes in district policies, newly minted standardized tests, and additional responsibilities required by the state –angry parents. Nothing can ruin a day faster than being called to the principal’s office to face a disgruntled, frustrated, or demanding parent. Managing the parent-teacher relationship can be a challenge for everyone. What can we, as teachers, do to develop relationships with parents and minimize angry encounters throughout the school year? The key is to be proactive by informing and interacting with parents in a positive manner.

Keeping Parents Informed

Keeping parents informed from the beginning of school should be your first move in reference to managing the parent-teacher relationship. Most of the confrontations between parents and teachers result from a lack of communication between school and home. Gone are the days when parents sent their children off to school, trusting completely that the school and teachers would take care of everything. Today’s parents want to know what their children are doing in the classroom and how it is being done. We live in an information age, and that is exactly what parents expect from us – information.

You can start by providing the basic facts to parents your classroom expectations in terms of student behavior and work product. Parents of elementary students will also want to know their children’s daily schedules. Send home information about your classroom management and discipline strategies so there are no misunderstandings about what is expected and the consequences for making poor choices. Teachers should also send home the grading policy. If you or your school has a Web site, consider posting the more important details of your classroom policies there, and refer parents to view it as needed.

It is also important to keep parents informed throughout the school year. A bi-monthly or monthly newsletter is a great way to let students and parents know about upcoming events, units, and due dates. You can also use the newsletter to explain commonly used acronyms, skills taught, and learning strategies used in the classroom. Again, this kind of information soothes those over-anxious parents who want to know what is happening with their children during school hours. The newsletter is also a great way to celebrate birthdays and offer thank-yous to volunteers and chaperones. Consider emailing your newsletter and other information. This will help to ensure that parents receive the information.

Lastly, make sure you send home notices when students are missing two assignments or have received two low grades. By sending home this information after the second instance, you are providing the parents and child more time to turn in missing assignments or to improve grades. Waiting until the last minute puts a strain on you, the student, and the parents. Just as with our health, early detection is the key to resolving a problem before it becomes a major issue. When parents receive bad news in progress reports or near the end of the grading period, their frustration will, most likely, be aimed at you. However, when notified early, parents have the opportunity to put the heat on their children to improve grades and make sure that assignments are turned in on time. Without this information, they cannot reprimand their children and support you in your efforts.

Interacting

Unlike keeping parents informed, which is a one-way type of communication, interacting requires two people. Because there are two (or more) people involved, interactions are influenced by many factors. Some of these include cultural backgrounds, levels of education, emotions, and personal agendas. As the teacher, you approach all interactions with parents from one point of view. The parent will be coming to you with a completely different point of view. The levels at which these factors meet and are in harmony often determine the success of the interaction. So then, how can you create more positive interactions with parents?

First, initiate contact with the parent. Don’t wait to be called. Take some time during the first several weeks of school to briefly call and talk with each parent. For secondary teachers, this may seem overwhelming, but it can be handled by calling ten parents each night. You may even prioritize and call the parents of those students who exhibit signs of behavior and/or academic issues first. This will ensure that your first phone call is a positive one. Spread the rest of the phone calls out over the first month or two.

Begin your call by introducing yourself and offering a positive comment about the student. Next, ask the parents if there is any information they would like to share with regard to their child. This information could be very helpful to you in managing the student’s behavior or encouraging him or her to perform better in your class. Remember, the parents know their children far better than you do at this point. If you are already noticing a potential problem, gently mention it and ask for suggestions from the parent in reference to handling the situation. Next, encourage parents to ask you any questions they have at this point in the year. Near the end of the conversation, let the parent know the best times to contact you and offer your school number or email.

This type of phone call near the beginning of the school year will go a long way towards developing a positive relationship between you and the parent, especially if the child is one who will be a constant challenge in the classroom. The phone call allows the parent to know who you are and it provides him or her to see that you are interested in helping his or her child to do well. The parent will be more likely to call or email you calmly when he or she has concerns, rather than storming up to the school in a rage.

Second, be aware of cultural differences when interacting with parents. Should you address the father first or the mother, when conferencing with both? Is it acceptable to call a parent by a first name or will he or she consider it insulting? These little details can sometimes make the difference between parents who are willing to work with you and those who are not. Also, be aware of how your cultural background influences the way you interact with others. You may be casual in your conversations, which could be interpreted by people of other cultures as uncaring or flippant. Having a basic understanding of the different cultures of people in your school will help you to better prepare for parent interactions.

Emma S. McDonald, M.Ed. is the author of several books, including ABC’s of Effective Parent Communication. She can be contacted via email at emma@inspiringteachers.com or through her website at http://www.inspiringteachers.com

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Tips for Getting Parents Involved:

• Encourage parents to read with their children each night.
• Request/require parent signatures on homework assignments.
• Send home a special parent/child assignment to do together.
• Ask for help in specific areas and at specific times such as reading with one child, stuffing Thursday folders, or putting up a bulletin board.
• When you need help, send home a notice, email, or announcement in your newsletter.
• Ask parents to send a list of their hobbies and talents. You may find a great guest speaker or demonstrator for a unit (ex: making tortillas during a unit on early Texas Mission life).
• When parents volunteer, send regular thank you notes.
• When making the first phone call home, list activities, events, and tasks you need help to complete. Ask the parent if he/she could help with any one of the tasks listed. Make sure to write it down and note the phone number for follow-up.
• Send home a pledge for parents to complete and sign, committing each one to at least one activity, event, etc. to do with the school or class during the year.

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